I recently learned that New York City was trying to reduce salt in processed foods to improve cardiovascular health. That sounds good. There probably is too much of that stuff in our food as well as all that sugar crap that’s in everything.
Want to cut sugar out of your diet? Well too bad if you like buying things that come in boxes or jars. Here’s some lettuce and a raw oyster. Enjoy your new life.
But back to New York City’s campaign to reduce salt intake because of its affect on our health. Here’s what I don’t get: If the city wants to regulate things to make us healthier, if the city wants us to have healthier hearts, then the answer ain’t cutting out the salt, the answer is making everyone get off their salted ham rump roast asses. Or better yet, the answer is letting everyone get off their salted rump roast asses.
How many hours a day does everyone spend sitting down? I currently work 9 damn hours a day at a temp job. Throw in three hours to commute (my fault) and I spend 12 hours a day sitting down. Lucky for me, this is a temp job. I only have to do it for a few more weeks. Unlucky for people who don’t have such a temporary situation. How many people in this city sit for 9-12 hours a day? You want New Yorkers to be healthier? Limit the work day. Limit the amount of days people need to go to work. It makes no sense that with all the computers and stupid iPhones that people have to be in an office for forty to sixty hours a week. We constantly are inventing labor saving devices and we just use them as an excuse to do more labor. Screw that. Let’s give it a rest and get outside. Less work hours will mean more time to exercise, more time to deal with stress, more time to enjoy things. You know who’s healthy, people who are happy. You know who gets sick? People who work too hard. You ever work real hard for a long period of time and then take a week off? What happens? You get sick.
The stupidest part of the whole deal is that there are huge chunks of the day when people aren’t really working but a required to be at their suicide machines of a work environment. Why do we have the need to be at a job for 8 hours (in many cases more) a day?
Get off of that seat and go outside, New York. That’s what the city should be helping us to do. Salt is the least of our worries. The city that never sleeps has turned into the city that always sits.
In this set at SuperEgo hosted by Michelle Dobrawsky and Dale Sorenson last night, I continue my comedic crusade against campaign flyers which continue to cram my mailbox. I guess what ticks me off about these things is the overkill, the unimpressive boasting, endorsements by relatively unknown entities, and lack of information about the office for the which the candidates are running as well as negligible amount of specific plans to better the city. And let’s face it, all a politician has to do to get votes in New York is promise lower rents and cheaper commuting–yet no one seems capable of promising such things so instead we are bombarded with flyers. And on top of that, everyone seems to be for better schools, yet around 90% of all flyers contain gross grammatical errors and/or poor sentence structure. Perhaps, the bogus reading and writing tests we subject our students too should also be applied to our local elected officials.
And despite the mad dash to the post office the Democratic primary voter turnout was the lowest yet.
I performed this open mic set at Superego hosted by Dale Sorenson and Michelle Dubrawsky. I’m still etting my feet wet with stand-up. In this set I told myself I wouldn’t try to memorize any jokes. In past sets I’ve felt that when I write out a set and try to memorize it for wording and timing it looks like I’m reciting a book report. I wanted to be more natural. So, this time I just scribbled some brief ideas and ad-libbed/improvised my way through it. I think kind of “discovering the set” as I’m doing it helped a lot. But can that naturalness then be reproduced? That is the question.
I didn’t realize the campaign flyers would take up the whole set.
Due to popular demand I have once again decided to offer my famous improv class.
Course: Improv Level Yes!
Prerequesites: Improv Level Zip, Improv Level Zap, Improv Level Zop (or equivalent)
Class Size: Limited to 27
Price: 300 Euros (Paypal accepted, but please add 27% to cover fees and snacks)
Instructor: Jeremiah Murphy, B.A. and 30 years old
Do you like to make people laugh? This seven and a half week class will examine the art of improv through my own perspective. Using games that involve clapping, taking off one’s shoes, slapping the floor with open palms, kindergartenesque hip-hoppery, and finger snaps, we as a class will gain confidence and comedic skill. Please dress in jeans and twice worn undershirts. Be prepared to move around under fluorescent lighting.
After this class you will be able to:
- Improvise a scene
- Form a backline
- Sweep edit
- Cook duck
- Play theatre games with less embarrassment than before
- Drive Class D Vehicles on Interstate 30
- Pay for more classes
- Eat Dairy
- Hang out at The Triple Crown
- Complain about how I talk too much in between exercises
- Expound the virtues of art
The class will culminate in a 16 minute show at my apartment for my cat.
About your instructor: JEREMIAH MURPHY traveled to Chicago once in 1999.
- Please prepare an audition monologue that describes something that happened to you or your roommate using irony and sarcasm.
- Pay the course fee.
- Join us!
- Pay for another 7 exciting levels.