Complaints: Pasta Sauce is a Hot Load of Crap


If I learned anything in 2009 it’s that pasta sauce bought in a store, in a crummy jar, is a hot load of crap. This just underlies my theory that everything in this world is a total scam.

This revelation began when my friend Anwar cooked an amazing pasta dish. I asked him what he used for sauce and he said that the sauce was just tomatoes in a food processor. And it was delicious. More delicious than any crap pasta sauce bought in a dirtbag grocery store.  I’ll tell you that much right here and now.

I was reminded by Anwar’s sauce when my girlfriend Carrie suggested I put in some canned tomatoes with my rice and beans. This suggestion was also delicious.

So, the next time I went to the grocery store I walked right by the scamjob pasta sauce aisle and went straight towards the canned vegetables.  I found myself a nice can of diced tomatoes.  And it was about half as much as any bogus jar of rancid Ragu or cruddy Classico.  I’m saving money and getting a tastier meal?  Pinch me.

I’ve discovered that I can get a big can of diced tomatoes for about $1.29-1.79 if I look hard enough, and it’s well worth the effort, especially if you add in some chopped up sausage.  It flavors the tomatoes right up.  You can also add your own spices, like Mrs. Dash or Basil or whatever sets you off.  Maybe add some oil.  It’s delicious.  And the best part?  None of that horse flop high fructose corn syrup will touch your lips.  And the large cans of chopped tomatoes last a lot longer than those bum $3-$7  jars of the prepackaged junk that the food companies try to push on us. 

A word to the wise, don’t get the cans of crushed tomatoes or the cans of whole tomatoes.  I know the cans of whole tomatoes are cheaper and you’re thinking you can just dice them at home.  It’s not the same.  And the crushed tomatoes are like cans of red sludge.  The diced toamtoes are beautiful and have a proper place atop of your favorite pasta.