George W. Bush stands in a call center, phone sale type place. He’s reading The Secret.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
(pretending to notice the camera) Oh, hello there. I didn’t see you. I’m George W. Bush, former president of the United States. You might remember me from such momentuitous historic events such as the current economic malaise, the Federal Bailout of Wall Street, The Iraq War, and 9/11. Well thanks to my administration’s hard work over the past 8 years (thank you by the way), there’s no better time to invest in gold than today.
With the declining value of the dollar and impending scarcity, turning your money into gold helps protect it from the harsh economic climate that I helped induce. I helped induce these tough times so you could buy gold and be rich.
Remember when I said that history will remember me as a great president? That’s because I knew that the only historians that would still be around were the ones who had invested in gold and benefited from this exclusive opportunity from me, your favorite two term president. Make no bones about it, things are about to get real bad, I worked 8 years at it, and you can either suffer with the poor saps or buy gold from me and enter an abundance of wealth.
So call now to buy gold. Dick Cheney is standing by.
Dick Cheney sits at a desk with a phone headset.
Hello, how may I help you? You’d like to buy some gold? One moment.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
Supplies are limited, so call now.
The above link is the material from my first stand up set a while ago (note the NYC Republican Convention jokes). It was performed at the Royal Wood Comedy Night in Williamsburg. The next day I then recreated my set in my apartment for posterity.