Here are some clips of me working out some standup bits at open mics.  I make fun of such sacred things as The Bible, President Obama, and Facebook.

Facebook’s Future
by Jeremiah Murphy

NARRATOR
In the future, the internet will be shut down for various reasons. The world will be tossed into chaos. But Facebook will survive. In the absence of the web, Facebook users will be forced to report directly to the Facebook offices to read their friends status updates, look at pictures, make changes to their profile. This is the future!

At the Facebook Offices.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Hi there, welcome to Facebook, how may I help you?

GREG
I’d like to log on to Facebook.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
What’s your Facebook username and password?

GREG
I thought you said you would remember me. I was just here.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
You look familiar but I have no idea who you are. I am sorry.

GREG
Aye-yi-yi, I’m working. I don’t want my boss to catch me here. Username: Greg Johnson at skimail dot com, password is slutomatic2

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Skimail?

GREG
Yeah.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Do you ski?

GREG
No, come on am I in?

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Odd password, Mr. Johnson. You are in! What can I do for you?

GREG
I want to look at pictures of my friends.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
OK, I’ll be right back.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT gets up and looks through a big box of pictures. He picks some out and throws them on the table.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Here they are. I looked at some of these this morning. I find the drunk pictures tasteless. Look at you in this one. I showed it to your mother the other day.

GREG
Aw, come on. I’d like to look at these in private.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
I’m sorry.

GREG looks at the pictures fast and hard.

GREG
OK, these are good. I’ve seen them all. Can I change my status update?

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Sure, what would you like it say.

GREG
Uh, Greg Johnson has a hole in his left sock.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Do people need to know this?

GREG
I thought I’d share.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
You have a friend request.

GREG
Who?

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
That woman over there, Gail Soderberg. You went to high school with her.

GREG
Ooh. No thanks. Mark that one “ignore.”

GAIL
Excuse me, Greg, I’m really offended.

GREG
We can still be friends outside of the Facebook offices but when I’m in here, I like to keep everything limited to my close friends. I haven’t seen you in 15 years, you know.

GAIL
I thought you’d be happy to see me.

GREG
Outside of Facebook, but not inside.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
Greg, your friend Carl is trying to chat with you, will you accept?

GREG
Nah. I don’t have the patience for his rambling.

CARL
What!?? Come on dude! I’m right here!

GREG’S BOSS
Greg! What are you doing here!

GREG
Oh, shit, I was uh, working on this excel spreadsheet.

GREG’S BOSS
In the Facebook office?

CARL
Busted. Hey Facebook dude, update my status. “Greg just got busts LOL!”

GAIL
Yes update my status to say the same thing.

FACEBOOK ATTENDANT
One at a time please, I can only do so much. I’m not the internet, you know.

Dear Acting Diary,

Above please check out a video of me at an open mic last night at The New York Comedy Club with SuperEgo Comedy. I had a lot of fun. I was pretty nervous, a lot more than when I when I’m usually on stage. I noticed being nervous made me hunch a little and wave my arm around a lot. Maybe I’ll be known as that “Stand-Up Who Waves His One Arm Around.”

If you’re looking for a list of open mics in New York, I found this list: http://www.badslava.com/nyc-open-mics.htm

To prepare my set I basically did a mental inventory of things I had been joking about recently in conversations, as well as things I caught myself being afraid to say in public. The set wasn’t totally written out but I mapped out all the jokes and kind of phrased them as I went along. I kind of wish I had written them out. I felt phrasing them on the fly led to some awkward speech and swallowed words.