Magneto Jokes

Take that, Master of Magneticism. Performed at the SuperEgo Open Mic at New York Comedy Club.

Open-Mic: Health Care, Marvel Comics, Urologist, Colonoscopy

Here I am, working on my Health Care material at another Ochi’s Motel Open Mic at Comix. It was the day after the much celebrated Health Care Reform Act was passed by the House. Everyone’s excited about it but I can’t find any details about what passed except the mysterious reforms won’t happen until 2014. Don’t get me wrong, I want health care for everyone. I think that would be a great use of government. I just want to know more about what’s going on. I hear folks saying it’s a good first step, but what is it? I feel the team sport cheers and jeers of partisanship on both sides (as well as cries of financial woe from the insurance industry) drowned out any hope for an exchange of ideas. End of editorial. I don’t editorialize too much in this set but I do mention comic books and colonoscopies.

I swore a little more than I usually do in this set and felt “dirty” afterwards. I started swearing because I was quoting a doctor I saw once. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with swearing on stage but I feel like it’s a rule I give myself that helps discipline me to be creative. And I broke that rule. Just like I broke my lenten fast of Facebook.

Comic Book Commentary: Superman and Lois

Secret Room

What’s the deal, Lois? I believe the sign on the door says “POSITIVELY NO ADMITTANCE.” And my friend Superman, a couple words of advice: 1) If you don’t want someone to enter a room, use a lock and 2) It might be healthier to display your affection using some other method besides idolatry. I think it sets up an unhealthy precedent for the relationship.

Obesity

Superman, come on, dude. Sure, Lois has gained some weight but don’t hide from her as if she’s some beast. You’re Superman. She’s already depressed and has a low self image (thanks to the ad copy on the comic book cover). Now, the toughest man on the planet, who fears nothing, is cowering around the corner because his girlfriend put on a few. How do you think that makes Lois feel? Probably like a monster. And she’s not, she’s the woman you love and she needs your support. Hasn’t she been by your side more than once? Come on.

Plug ugly
That’s the deal, my man. You got scared up above when Lois gained a little weight and now she’s dropped a couple sizes. Of course, she’s going to find a new boyfriend. And it sounds like maybe this fellow’s “plug ugliness” is supplemented with a supportive personality with an eye for true beauty. You had it, Superman, but now you are a victim of your own SUPERficial tastes. It’s a real shame.

Kisses

What the hell is going on here? Superman starts a fresh air fund and then Lois is kissing everyone to raise a little cash? And dear Justice League, I believe the sale of sexual acts is illegal in 49 states. Lois, you don’t have to do this for Superman. What about that nice wrestler? And back to the Justic League, what kind of friends are you? Couldn’t you have just given to the Fresh Air fund. You guys are loaded! Batman is millionaire, Green Arrow is a millionaire, and Aquaman is king of the damn sea! The warmth of charity isn’t good enough for your money, you need a couple cheap grabs with your pal’s girlfriend? Shame on all of you.