I searched all over the internet trying to find a picture of Batman in a sailboat. This image is all I could find, thanks to http://luchins.com/what-were-they-thinking/bat-gadgets/
The artwork is from Batman 154. I would have liked to have seen Batman’s cape acting as a sail, but this will suffice:
Boom! Batman has no tolerance for the bald. Oh, and please support the Red Cross; Batman has too many bald guys to pop in the trap to be any use to the cause. Oh and Bruce, Robin’s hand is raised, I think he has a question about your brute tactics.
This is why Batman and Robin can never enjoy a day off:
And come on Batman, you adopted Robin, make him put on a pair of pants when it snows.
Also, it almost looks like Batman made Robin stand back so he could show off some crazy ice skating trick. Don’t you have enough of the spotlight, Bruce?
Other than that, it’s nice to see the dynamic duo making the most of the weather.
Welcome to Episode 1 of Swamp Gas! This was kind of an exercise to put a podcast together.
It’s basically me reading a Batman story by Isaac Asimov entitled “Northwestward.” Man, it was harder reading aloud than I thought. Editing the stutters, false starts, swallowed words was a chore. Hopefully I’ll get better as I go along.
I really like this story. Perhaps material for the next Batman blockbuster? This is actually the most boring Batman story I have ever read, but that doesn’t stop it from being pretty great.
Disclaimer: This podcast is merely a hobby and the use of the materials by Mr. Asimov are done with no monetary gain in mind and out of appreciation for his entertaining literary voice. “Northwestward” appears in The Further Adventures of The Batman, edited by Martin H. Greenberg.
Music: Camel Boogie by Curt Siffert, http://archive.org/details/CurtSiffertCamelBoogie
THE ODD COUPLE: BATMAN & THE PENGUIN
This is a rewrite from memory of a sketch I wrote a few years back for a sketch writing class at the PIT with Ali Farahnakian. Listening to the Odd Couple Theme Song might enhance the reading of this sketch:
We open on the door to The Penguin’s secret lair.
On November 13th, The Penguin was asked to remove himself from his place of residence.
The Penguin somberly exits his lair carrying a stash of umbrellas and surrounded by a few birds. The door slams behind him.
The request came from his wife
The door opens and his wife hands him his top hat.
The Penguin walks down a rainy New York City street and wearily drops his bags.
Deep down he knew his wife was right. But he also knew someday he would return to her.
The Penguin exits an apartment elevator, still under the torture of carrying his bags, umbrellas, and birds. He walks down the hallway. Oh, how sad it is to be newly divorced and alone in New York!
With no place to go he appeared at the home of his former archemesis, The Batman.
Batman pops out the door. He’s in his cape and is clutching bags of groceries and trash. He wipes one hand and offers a shake to the Penguin.
Several years earlier Batman’s sidekick Robin had thrown him out, requesting that he never return.
Batman and the Penguin exit their very posh Upper West Side residence. Batman is chomping on a cigar. He tosses the cigar on the ground and wraps his cape around him. The Penguin is revolted at his littering and pierces the discarded cigar with his umbrella. He holds it up to Batman.
Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?
FREEZE FRAME: Penguin showing the cigar to Batman.
SUPER: THE ODD COUPLE!
Intro music continues over a montage.
RIGHT SIDE: Batman is walking down the street, ogling an attractive young woman. He doesn’t watch where he’s going and steps into the Joker’s trap. A cage descends upon him. He does a bemused take to the camera.
LEFT SIDE: The Penguin tries to help an old lady cross the street and she thinks he is trying to steal her bag. A young boy scout jumps in and they both start bashing the Penguin.
CUT TO CREDITS:
SUPER: STARRING THE PENGUIN
Two shots on the screen: One of the Penguin walking dapperly down the street, the other of him feeding his birds.
SUPER: STARRING BATMAN
Two Shots on screen: Batman parking the Batmobile, sticking his head out the window with a cigar in his mouth. He sees that he’s under a “No Parking Sign.” He parks it there anyway and walks into his apartment building, chomping his cigar.
Shot 2: Batman is in his apartment’s crime lab, looking through a composite microscope and swigging a beer—He slams it down and it fizzles all over a pile of files. Batman pays no mind.
Cut to: Batman and the Penguin in an outdoor Basketball court. The Penguin shoots a basket and does a little fancy kick. Batman admonishes the fancy kick then misses his basket.
Cut to: Batman and The Penguin by the New York Plaza opening their bagged lunches. Batman immediately throws a piece of trash on the ground. The Penguin glares at him and shakes his umbrella at the trash.
FADE TO BLACK
END OF INTRO
Batman and the Penguin are sitting on their couch. The apartment has been cleaned by the Penguin. Batman is eating a messy sandwich that is falling on the floor.
You know, the Batcave was nice, Batman. This is no Batcave.
But it is the Upper West Side.
Conspiracy! Grapple Guns! Fare Evasion! Danger!
Here’s the first draft of “The Night Devil: Evil-9, Episode 2.” It’s part of my “audio comic” line of projects mixing elements of radio drama, music, and still images. I produce this episode using Garageband for all the audio as well as iMovie for putting together the still images. Check it out!
What’s the deal, Lois? I believe the sign on the door says “POSITIVELY NO ADMITTANCE.” And my friend Superman, a couple words of advice: 1) If you don’t want someone to enter a room, use a lock and 2) It might be healthier to display your affection using some other method besides idolatry. I think it sets up an unhealthy precedent for the relationship.
Superman, come on, dude. Sure, Lois has gained some weight but don’t hide from her as if she’s some beast. You’re Superman. She’s already depressed and has a low self image (thanks to the ad copy on the comic book cover). Now, the toughest man on the planet, who fears nothing, is cowering around the corner because his girlfriend put on a few. How do you think that makes Lois feel? Probably like a monster. And she’s not, she’s the woman you love and she needs your support. Hasn’t she been by your side more than once? Come on.
That’s the deal, my man. You got scared up above when Lois gained a little weight and now she’s dropped a couple sizes. Of course, she’s going to find a new boyfriend. And it sounds like maybe this fellow’s “plug ugliness” is supplemented with a supportive personality with an eye for true beauty. You had it, Superman, but now you are a victim of your own SUPERficial tastes. It’s a real shame.
What the hell is going on here? Superman starts a fresh air fund and then Lois is kissing everyone to raise a little cash? And dear Justice League, I believe the sale of sexual acts is illegal in 49 states. Lois, you don’t have to do this for Superman. What about that nice wrestler? And back to the Justic League, what kind of friends are you? Couldn’t you have just given to the Fresh Air fund. You guys are loaded! Batman is millionaire, Green Arrow is a millionaire, and Aquaman is king of the damn sea! The warmth of charity isn’t good enough for your money, you need a couple cheap grabs with your pal’s girlfriend? Shame on all of you.
My Respects to the Batman Family, but something’s wrong with that kid.
I know everyone goes through an awkward phase. But I would think that the son of Batman would be little more… like his father. And a word to the wise Mr. Batman, I think you should leave him at home when you’re off fighting the good fight, especially if you’re like Superman and treasure your secret identity.
Look at this kid, he’s just wandering around a crime scene telling everyone Batman’s business. I kind of feel bad for those crooks, setting themselves up for that tumble. It leads me to believe they might be on some kind of medication which dulls the senses.
At least have your kid comb the locks, Batman.