National Sketch Writing Month: The Odd Couple: Batman & The Penguin

THE ODD COUPLE: BATMAN & THE PENGUIN

This is a rewrite from memory of a sketch I wrote a few years back for a sketch writing class at the PIT with Ali Farahnakian. Listening to the Odd Couple Theme Song might enhance the reading of this sketch:

 
icon for podpress  Odd Couple Theme by Neal Hefti [2:19m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

FADE IN:

We open on the door to The Penguin’s secret lair.

NARRATOR
On November 13th, The Penguin was asked to remove himself from his place of residence.

The Penguin somberly exits his lair carrying a stash of umbrellas and surrounded by a few birds. The door slams behind him.

NARRATOR
The request came from his wife

The door opens and his wife hands him his top hat.

The Penguin walks down a rainy New York City street and wearily drops his bags.

NARRATOR
Deep down he knew his wife was right. But he also knew someday he would return to her.

The Penguin exits an apartment elevator, still under the torture of carrying his bags, umbrellas, and birds. He walks down the hallway. Oh, how sad it is to be newly divorced and alone in New York!

NARRATOR
With no place to go he appeared at the home of his former archemesis, The Batman.

Batman pops out the door. He’s in his cape and is clutching bags of groceries and trash. He wipes one hand and offers a shake to the Penguin.

NARRATOR
Several years earlier Batman’s sidekick Robin had thrown him out, requesting that he never return.

Batman and the Penguin exit their very posh Upper West Side residence. Batman is chomping on a cigar. He tosses the cigar on the ground and wraps his cape around him. The Penguin is revolted at his littering and pierces the discarded cigar with his umbrella. He holds it up to Batman.

NARRATOR
Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

FREEZE FRAME: Penguin showing the cigar to Batman.

SUPER: THE ODD COUPLE!

Intro music continues over a montage.

SPLIT SCREEN:
RIGHT SIDE: Batman is walking down the street, ogling an attractive young woman. He doesn’t watch where he’s going and steps into the Joker’s trap. A cage descends upon him. He does a bemused take to the camera.

LEFT SIDE: The Penguin tries to help an old lady cross the street and she thinks he is trying to steal her bag. A young boy scout jumps in and they both start bashing the Penguin.

CUT TO CREDITS:

SUPER: STARRING THE PENGUIN

Two shots on the screen: One of the Penguin walking dapperly down the street, the other of him feeding his birds.

SUPER: STARRING BATMAN

Two Shots on screen: Batman parking the Batmobile, sticking his head out the window with a cigar in his mouth. He sees that he’s under a “No Parking Sign.” He parks it there anyway and walks into his apartment building, chomping his cigar.

Shot 2: Batman is in his apartment’s crime lab, looking through a composite microscope and swigging a beer—He slams it down and it fizzles all over a pile of files. Batman pays no mind.

Cut to: Batman and the Penguin in an outdoor Basketball court. The Penguin shoots a basket and does a little fancy kick. Batman admonishes the fancy kick then misses his basket.

Cut to: Batman and The Penguin by the New York Plaza opening their bagged lunches. Batman immediately throws a piece of trash on the ground. The Penguin glares at him and shakes his umbrella at the trash.

FADE TO BLACK

END OF INTRO

FADE IN:

Batman and the Penguin are sitting on their couch. The apartment has been cleaned by the Penguin. Batman is eating a messy sandwich that is falling on the floor.

PENGUIN:
You know, the Batcave was nice, Batman. This is no Batcave.

BATMAN:
But it is the Upper West Side.

—-

For reference:

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