My Crackpot Theory: Sugar is a Mind Control Drug

"I ate too much sugar, time for a nap."

O.K., gang, here’s what I got. Do you read the ingredients when you’re grocery shopping? I do. And I’ve noticed that everything contains processed sugar, or more frequently high fructose corn syrup. That’s as bogus as bogus gets. We don’t need that crap in everything. I have a theory. Now maybe this is orchestrated by food companies to have people get addicted to sugar foods and keep buying sugary products or maybe food companies are answering our cheap decadent demands or possibly “those in power” want us to consume mass amounts of sugar. No matter the cause, I think it has a disastrous effect: I think it makes us lazy, compliant, and less likely to counter the status quo. I think sugar makes us sheep, easy to herd and easy to fatten. My apologies to sheep, I think they’re beautiful animals, but you get the picture.

Here’s the deal. My parents were friends with missionaries in Zimbabwe, you know that horrible dictator Mugabe’s country. Apparently, these missionary friends would get upset whenever they passed by a “happy hour” back in the United States. They weren’t upset for the reasons you think: “the sin of drinking,” etc. They were upset because apparently in Zimbabwe at the end of the day after everyone was leaving their low paying crap jobs, the government would SUBSIDIZE happy hours all over the country so that the people could have a little beer, get a little happy, then go to sleep–never having enough time to think, plan, or organize about getting rid of their crappy dictator government. It’s pretty genius–and makes me think about people who hate their jobs for 8 hours a day then regularly flock to the nearest happy hour. When do they have time to plan to make things better?

But back to sugar. It’s in everything. It’s hard to avoid. What happens when you eat a lot of sugar? You enjoy it, maybe get a little hyper, then crash, and possibly later on in life suffer from dietary induced health problems. I think that this overflow of processed sugar and high fructose corn syrup is making us a little complacent and physically lazy, chipping away at our desire to make an effort to change things–kind of like the state sponsored beer in Zimbabwe. Look at us, we thrive on convenience. We only get upset when things are taken away from us. Were we always like that? I think our sugar intake has something to do with this mindset. I don’t have any hard science to back up my theory and I’m not convinced it’s intentional but I think it’s happening. Sugar and high fructose corn syrup, I theorize, are mind control drugs in the sense that they make us complacent and reluctant to get off the couch. Seriously, how many people have a soda with every meal? It’s insane how much sugar we pump into our system. We all remember eating too much candy when we were little and the moods it induced. There has to be some mass psychological effect of all this sugar.

I must disclose that I ate more than a few chocolate chunk cookies before writing this crackpot theory.

That’s my two cents, drop yours in the comments.

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5 Comments

  • Sugar is safe and brings simple joy to the lives of millions. Do you hate joy, sir?

    One day we should eat some twinkies.

  • Joe says:

    Terence McKenna has a chapter on sugar in his book “Food of the Gods”. Very interesting read, and you might actually find that you’re not so far off in your thinking about sugar (although I’m not sure TM would consider it a mind control drug per se).

    The deal is this: refined sugar and HFCS *are* drugs, as much as caffeine, cocaine and aspirin. Soooo…starting your children on sweets and cola beverages at a young age is pretty much setting them up for life-long sugar addiction.

  • Icaro says:

    Man, sugar fucks everyone.

    And the question is?!

    When it was made, and why it was made.

    hahahahha…

    habishin.

  • [...] delicious.  And the best part?  None of that horse flop high fructose corn syrup will touch your lips.  And the large cans of chopped tomatoes last a lot longer than those bum jars of the prepackaged [...]

  • Danger says:

    I work at a very prominent fast food company and i totally agree. We make all our money on soda, because soda is just sugar and water. It is cheap to make and sold for an exorbitant rate. It fills our diets with empty calories and also inhibits chemicals in the stomach that let a person know when they are full allowing them to eat more. Besides that, when so many empty calories are absorbed by our bodies we are basically starving for nutrients but full of unhealthy and substance free food.
    If any one has recently gone hungry for a couple nights or has had the experience of eating better after a lifetime of malnutrition, they know that food directly affects a persons mood, attitude, and mind. I see irritated unhappy people everyday gulping down two large diet sodas, over weight and cantankerous. This is just the kind of nonsensical consumption that can be seen in psychiatric wards were patients get little white pills that make them easier to handle. The scary part is that those white pills are in everything and a lot of times, unnoticeable.

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