Barack & Joe
Despite the sunny day at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, President Obama is frenzied with work: Healthcare, the Economy, War, Global Warming. He wishes that the world would just stop for a moment.
The phone rings.
BARACK: President speaking,
JOE: Ha ha! I love it! President speaking?! Hilarious, Barack. Abso–
BARACK: Hi Joe.
JOE: Barack! What’s shakin’, man?
BARACK: (deadpan) Hopefully not the San Andreas.
JOE: HAHAHAHAHA! Hopefully not the San Andreas!?? I love it! We’d lose L.A.! But we’d solve half the nation’s traffic problems! HAHAHAHA! Hilarious, Barack. Oh man, you are in rare form, my friend. Rare form! Hold on let me tell that one to Ron (off phone) HEY RON! BARACK JUST TOLD ME THIS JOKE! I SAID, BARACK JUST TOLD ME THIS JOKE! IT’S HILARIOUS! RON! RON! (back on phone) I’ll tell him later, he’s making copies or something.
BARACK: What can I do for you, Joe?
JOE: That’s Mr. Vice President to you my friend. HAHAHAHA!
JOE: You choking on something, Barack? Gasping life’s last breath? Got a little pretzel in there? Ha ha.
BARACK: No, I was clearing my throat.
JOE: Damn. I thought I was going to be president. HAHAHAHA! Just kidding, Barack. Just kidding. That being said, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, pal! Light up a cig! They shorten your life! HAHAHA! Just kidding, just kidding, Barack. Solid as Barack! Oh what fun we have. We have fun, Barack.
BARACK: I’m kind of busy, Joe. What can I do for you?
JOE: Get me a ham and swiss on rye and a Sprite if you got one. HAHAHAHAHA!
JOE: In all seriousness, Mr. President. I do have one item that I believe is of the utmost National Concern. Are you in front of your computer?
JOE: What are you doing over there, scribbling on pads of paper? Jiminy Cricket, Barack. Like a little kid at a restaurant with the crayons and, and, and—
JOE: Get a computer in that office. You’re the President, for Pete’s sakes. OK, write this down. YouTube dot com.
JOE: YOUTUBE DOT COM
BARACK: Joe, I hate it when you spell out URLs to me over the phone—
JOE: watch question mark v equal sign six capital K-r-capital Y-two-capital Q-R-G-capital Z-capital C-four. And that’s it. Cat Bloopers 2. Check it out later. Hilarious. Watch it with Michelle and the kids. It’s not like that other one I sent you.
BARACK: Thanks, Joe.
JOE: Cat Bloopers 2. Remember we watched the first one and I spilled my coffee all over you because I was laughing so hard? HAHAHA. I kept spilling. Oh, I love it.
BARACK: Thanks for the link, Joe.
JOE: You got a quick second for your vice president?
BARACK: No, Joe. I’m very busy. I’ll watch your link later.
JOE: I love it. We got a thing here. I’ll be right over. I just solved the economy.
BARACK: No, Joe.
Joe slams open the door to the Oval Office. In his hands are a tray of wind up toys: Dancing Chicks, Chattering Teeth, Zooming Mice. His white shirt is covered with coffee stains from laughing too hard.
JOE: I just solved the economy, Barack. We’ll sell a million of these things. We’re getting out of this one cheap, my man! HAHAHAHAHA!
Barack stares at Joe as the wind up toys dance and chirp.
BARACK: Leave. Before I declare you an enemy combatant.
JOE: HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it! I’d be in Gitmo forever!