Entries from March 2009 ↓

Despite the sunny day at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, President Obama is frenzied with work:  Healthcare, the Economy, War, Global Warming. He wishes that the world would just stop for a moment.

The phone rings.

BARACK:  President speaking,

JOE:  Ha ha! I love it! President speaking?! Hilarious, Barack. Abso–

BARACK:  Hi Joe.

JOE:  Barack! What’s shakin’, man?

BARACK:  (deadpan) Hopefully not the San Andreas.

JOE:  HAHAHAHAHA! Hopefully not the San Andreas!?? I love it! We’d lose L.A.! But we’d solve half the nation’s traffic problems! HAHAHAHA! Hilarious, Barack.  Oh man, you are in rare form, my friend. Rare form! Hold on let me tell that one to Ron (off phone) HEY RON! BARACK JUST TOLD ME THIS JOKE! I SAID, BARACK JUST TOLD ME THIS JOKE! IT’S HILARIOUS! RON! RON! (back on phone) I’ll tell him later, he’s making copies or something.

BARACK:  What can I do for you, Joe?

JOE:  That’s Mr. Vice President to you my friend. HAHAHAHA!

BARACK: Ahem.

JOE: You choking on something, Barack? Gasping life’s last breath? Got a little pretzel in there? Ha ha.

BARACK: No, I was clearing my throat.

JOE:  Damn.  I thought I was going to be president. HAHAHAHA!  Just kidding, Barack. Just kidding.  That being said, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, pal!  Light up a cig! They shorten your life!  HAHAHA!  Just kidding, just kidding, Barack.  Solid as Barack! Oh what fun we have. We have fun, Barack.

BARACK:  I’m kind of busy, Joe. What can I do for you?

JOE:  Get me a ham and swiss on rye and a Sprite if you got one. HAHAHAHAHA!

BARACK:  Joe.

JOE:  In all seriousness, Mr. President. I do have one item that I believe is of the utmost National Concern.  Are you in front of your computer?

BARACK:  No.

JOE:  What are you doing over there, scribbling on pads of paper? Jiminy Cricket, Barack.  Like a little kid at a restaurant with the crayons and, and, and—

BARACK:  Joe.

JOE:  Get a computer in that office.  You’re the President, for Pete’s sakes.  OK, write this down. YouTube dot com.

BARACK:  Joe.

JOE: YOUTUBE DOT COM

BARACK: Joe, I hate it when you spell out URLs to me over the phone—

JOE:  Slash,

BARACK: Sigh.

JOE: watch question mark v equal sign six capital K-r-capital Y-two-capital Q-R-G-capital Z-capital C-four. And that’s it. Cat Bloopers 2. Check it out later. Hilarious.  Watch it with Michelle and the kids. It’s not like that other one I sent you.

BARACK:  Thanks, Joe.

JOE:  Cat Bloopers 2.  Remember we watched the first one and I spilled my coffee all over you because I was laughing so hard?  HAHAHA.  I kept spilling. Oh, I love it.

BARACK: Thanks for the link, Joe.

JOE:  You got a quick second for your vice president?

BARACK:  No, Joe.  I’m very busy.  I’ll watch your link later.

JOE:  I love it. We got a thing here.  I’ll be right over.  I just solved the economy.

BARACK:  No, Joe.

Joe slams open the door to the Oval Office.  In his hands are a tray of wind up toys: Dancing Chicks, Chattering Teeth, Zooming Mice.  His white shirt is covered with coffee stains from laughing too hard.

JOE:  I just solved the economy, Barack.  We’ll sell a million of these things.  We’re getting out of this one cheap, my man! HAHAHAHAHA!

Barack stares at Joe as the wind up toys dance and chirp.

BARACK:  Leave.  Before I declare you an enemy combatant.

JOE:  HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it!  I’d be in Gitmo forever!

There he is! The man behind it all, watching from his secret lair, making sure everything's going according to his power-grabbing plan.

I was looking through the New York Times website when I noticed this incriminating picture of Secretary Geitner.  There on the wall is a television showing the man who is secretly running it all: the government, the religions, and the media.  From this picture it is easy to conclude that this is the man behind the proverbial “They,” as in “they want you to think that.”  And there they are watching us from their Big brother like computer screen, making sure it’s all part of the program.  We can’t see much from this picture but common sense allows us to deduce the following:

• He is 200 years old
• He keeps watch on Washington from a cave 50 miles below the surface of the Earth
• He killed JFK, puts flouride in our water, doesn’t want us to know about the aliens and their free zero point energy, knows about the Hollow Earth, is in charge of faking Global Warming, and knows the absolute truth as passed on by the pharoahs yet keeps it from us to secure his power over the world.

Some have suggested that is merely an image of Barney Frank on a T.V. screen.  To the educated observer, this clearly isn’t the case.  The evidence is paramount, what more do you need, skeptics?

What's going on in there?

Ron Paul introduced the Federal Reserve Transparency Act of 2009 last month.  This act seeks to shine a light on the activities of the Federal Reserve, who so far as I can tell have no public oversight and control the U.S. economy.   I think it’s time for their books to be checked.  An audit of the Federal Reserve at the very least would give us a better perspective on our economy and at the most could expose any possible criminal activity  (or banking errors) that might be associated with folks who control money, interest rates, and credit.

You can check out H.R. 1207 here:  http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h1207/show

And you can contact your congressional representative here: https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

 Feel free to copy my letter.

****************************************************

Dear Representative Maloney,

I am writing to ask you to please support H.R. 1207, The Federal Reserve Transparency Act, introduced by Representatives PAUL , KAGEN, BACHMANN, BARTLETT, JONES, REHBERG, POSEY, BROUN,  POE, BURTON, ABERCROMBIE, and WOOLSEY. H.R. 1207 proposes an audit of the Federal Reserve system.

With the recent financial events including the Federal bailout of private companies and the demise of various financial institutions, I have become curious how the Federal Reserve works.  Here’s what I’ve learned from my
research: The Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve seems to meet in secret, closing their doors to the  ublic, yet they control (or at the very least highly influence) the U.S. economy and the creation of money (in the form of credit, setting interest rates, and printing “federal reserve notes” or cash). 

I don’t see any reason why the Federal Reserve can not be given the same transparency that we have given congress (like what C-SPAN provides).  I believe an audit of the Federal Reserve System would be helpful in showing the American people how the Federal Reserve operates. It would give us insight on our current economic state. But most importantly, if there were any wrongdoing or banking errors on behalf of the Federal Reserve and the Board of Governors, the Federal Reserve should be held accountable.

I don’t see any reason why the Federal Reserve needs to operate under such secrecy and without public Oversight.  Please support this bill.

Jeremiah Murphy

Below is a letter I wrote to my congressional rep regarding H.R. 875 which is a food regulation bill which stands to set national standards for food production including food you grow on your own property.  Check it out here: http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h875/show

Feel free to copy my letter. You can write your congressional rep here:
https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

Thanks to Carrie for supplying some of the text and a heads up on H.R. 875.

*****

I am writing you to ask that you please encourage your fellow NY Representatives Slaughter, Nadler, Lowey, Hinchey, Hall, Engel, and Bishop to withdraw their support from H.R.875. I’m afraid his bill’s motives for “food safety” will erode America’s freedoms by limiting if not stopping self-sustainable food production, organic farms, and community gardens. As an American, I treasure my precious freedom to choose which foods and agricultural products I put in my body.

Below are few sections of the bill that concern me:

“SEC. 3. DEFINITIONS. (14) FOOD PRODUCTION FACILITY- The term ‘food
production facility’ means any farm, ranch, orchard, vineyard, aquaculture facility, or confined animal-feeding operation.”

It sounds like this definition includes small organic farms, like the kind I get my summer produce from in New York, AS WELL AS HOME AND COMMUNITY GARDENS. In these times of financial hardship, poor diets, and low morale, Congress should be encouraging self-sustainable community gardens instead of creating laws to prevent and discourage them.

“SEC. 201. ADMINISTRATION OF NATIONAL PROGRAM. (2) ensure that persons who produce, process, or distribute food meet their responsibility to prevent or minimize food safety hazards related to their products.”

Again, it looks like H.R. 875 will regulate food grown in a personal home garden. I can’t think of a more basic liberty than the freedom to grow food on your property, or in a community owned lot, for your own consumption.

“SEC. 206. FOOD PRODUCTION FACILITIES. (c) Regulations- Not later than 1 year after the date of the enactment of this Act, the Administrator, in consultation with the Secretary of Agriculture and representatives of State departments of agriculture, shall promulgate regulations to establish science-based minimum standards for the safe  roduction of food by food production facilities. Such regulations shall– (3) include, with
respect to growing, harvesting, sorting, and storage operations, minimum standards related to fertilizer use, nutrients, hygiene, packaging, temperature controls, animal encroachment, and water;”

Sec 206 (c) (3) suggests we should have national standards for food grown in people’s backyards, not too mention the organic farms which too many of us use as the last line of defense against pesticides and other harmful agricultural chemicals.

Please work to stop this bill. I deeply value my freedom to select which foods and thus which chemicals to put in my body. I also feel that more self-sustainable agriculture is needed to help make this country (and its economy) better.

If you are interested in promoting food safety, EDUCATION would go much further to help Americans. For instance, simply washing raw green leafy vegetables in warm water for a few minutes can eliminate any bacteria that is potentially problematic. The  government can’t catch ALL pathogens –It can, however, disseminate useful information on how to avoid consuming them in the majority of instances where this is feasible.

Please stop this bill. It goes too far.

Jeremiah Murphy

I can’t help but notice all the hype and money that surrounds a successful comic book movie.  I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring and throw these ideas out there.  If any producers are reading, there’s plenty more where these came from, hire me!

The Next Big Comic Book Movie

The Beast Begins  
Starring Kelsey Grammar

Mann and Superman
Metropolis Detective Billie Mann thinks she has seen
it all until she gets partnered up with the last son of Krytpon as they
investigate Lex Luthor’s involvement in an attempt to assasinate the the
assistant director to homeland security. Part Hill Street Blues, part
summer blockbuster, get ready to ponder Mann and Superman.

Plastic Man Begins
Starring Norm McDonald and Liam Neeson as Darkseid

Metamorpho’s Just Not Into You

Mr. T vs. Cyclops

Dr. Doom’s European Vacation
featuring the voice of Kevin Costner

The Flash Almost Begins
We see a glimpse of police chemist Barry Allen when he almost becomes The Flash, setting up a sequel which shows Barry Allen actually beginning his career as that famous Scarlet Speedster. A good story has lots of backstory and this movie will bank on that.

With all the paranoid fast-talking, alarmist screams, and sensible warnings about the economy these days, I thought it’d be a smart move for this struggling, starving artist to cut back on his spending. There are couple obvious changes i thought about such as eating out less (if at all) as well as avoiding purchases that don’t involve food and shelter.  Thinking back to all my trips to the ATM, I figured that I spend a lot of my money  on the weekends.   I’d probably stop a lot of my spending in general if I just stopped spending money on the weekends altogether.   I thought about this financial cold turkey and figured I’d crack and probably crack big, deciding to “treat myself” by purchasing things expensive and bogus, like prepared foods and comic books.  So, I thought, instead of avoiding money on the weekends I would allow myself a small weekend allowance and make a game of it to see how far I could stretch my cash before it disappears.

The $20 Weekend Game
Rules:

• This game is suitable for one or more players.
• From 8:00 p.m. Friday to 8:00 p.m. Sunday each player is allowed to spend $20 (USD).
• The $20 must be obtained Friday before 8:00pm. Visits to the ATM during the weekend should be avoided at all costs.
• Necessary bills (I leave this definition up to each player: rent, medical, etc.) do not count as part of the weekend spending.
• Items (such as groceries) purchased during the week can be used during the weekend and do not count as expenses. I figured this might help me plan my grocery shopping better in the long run.
• If a player spends over $20 they must subtract that amount hereby referred to as a PENALTY CHARGE) from the next weekend. If the Penalty Charge is greater than $20, the player must instead pay an equal amount towards a credit card or other debt (in addition to any regularly scheduled payments).  If the player has no debt and has a Penalty Charge that is greater than $20, the player must put an equal amount into savings.
• If a player spends less than $20, the player can add the  bonus difference (hereby referred to as BONUS CASH) to the next weekend.
• At the last weekend of every month each player must spend any remaining Bonus Cash.  Bonus Cash can not be carried over to a new month.
• Penalty Cash is carried over to a new month to avoid undeserved splurging at the end of the month.

I tried it this weekend.  It went pretty well.  I did do some frantic spending Friday afternoon (groceries and a trip to the post office) as well as shopping Sunday at 8:30pm (again groceries).

I meant to save my receipts but this is roughly how the weekend $20 was spent:

Friday:
$0.00 I used groceries from the previous week (wine and a couple eggs) that were part of a meal my beautiful and talented girlfriend Carrie cooked.

Saturday: 
Lunch.  Approx $6.00 at McDonald’s, not purchasing one of their meals but picking around 4 cheap items (around $1.50 each)  from the menu (McChicken, Snack Wrap, Medium Fries, and Small Soda).

Dinner at my place. The grocery bill came to around $4 and change.  We bought some frozen garlic bread ($1.29), one of those cheap packets of ham ($0.89), brownie mix ($2 and change). Using some canned chopped tomatoes and cheese from my fridge, Carrie came up with the idea to cover the garlic bread with the diced tomatoes, pieces of ham, and cheese which were then broiled for a few minutes.  It was delicious.  I had a bottle of wine that I bought before 8:00 pm Friday and we had brownies (using oil and eggs that I already had).

I also spent a buck on a can of Sprite.

Sunday:
After an early eveining walk to the Hudson (free!), Carrie and I enjoyed a milk shake that didn’t quite know its flavor ($2.50) and Fries ($2.20 or something) at (you guessed it) McDonald’s.

Total: Around $16.00 for a weekend which relied heavily on groceries from the past week. I think If I didn’t have the $20 restriction I would have definitely spent more money on weekend food and pretty much ignored food in my fridge. Even the shopping on Friday before 8:00 pm helped prevent any bogus spending.