Entries from December 2008 ↓

OK, Superman. We all know that Jimmy Olsen can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound. But it looks like he’s in a spot of trouble. Obviously, he’s too modest to ask for help, so he’s attempting to be resourceful. We all know the suitcase full of Halloween Adventure beards and moustaches will fail miserably but cut the kid some slack, Superman. Don’t stand there with that “Get a load of this crap” expression scrunched on your face. Of course, you could do a better job. And after Jimmy treated you a couple Comic Book Cover Commentaries ago, it’s understandable that you’d look for any excuse to get a couple chuckles at his expense. But come on, he’s just a kid.

I’ve discovered how to download YouTube videos which has inspired me to add my own audio to various pieces of footage. Check it out:

British PM Proposes Heist to Cure Economic Woes

Bono Denies Breaking Wind

President Bush Dodges Shoes

Nostrodamus’ Method of Divination

Orson Welles Smoking a Cigar

Orson Welles Outtake

In a last minute press conference, President-Elect Barack Obama announced, “I just want to mention, I’ve gone over all of our country’s problems, not too mention the world’s, and I don’t think I can, in good conscience, be the President everyone is hoping for. I mean, I can work with the Republicans on bills and amendments and stuff… but, man alive… I got two wars on my hands, this bum economy, the healthcare crisis, and if everyone could just forget about global warming for a few month’s I’d really appreciate it. You see, in a couple weeks everyone’s going to be looking to Barack to fix everything. And Barack just wants to say, ‘Don’t get your hopes too high.’ I can maybe give you a tax credit or something. Honestly, I kind of envy President Bush and your low-expectations that saved him from criticism.”

Superman, it’s a little harsh, but at least you’re sticking up for yourself and overcoming your fears about your secret identity.

Note to self: read Moby Dick, Robinson Crusoe, and Treasure Island.

My Respects to the Batman Family, but something’s wrong with that kid.

I know everyone goes through an awkward phase. But I would think that the son of Batman would be little more… like his father. And a word to the wise Mr. Batman, I think you should leave him at home when you’re off fighting the good fight, especially if you’re like Superman and treasure your secret identity.

Look at this kid, he’s just wandering around a crime scene telling everyone Batman’s business. I kind of feel bad for those crooks, setting themselves up for that tumble. It leads me to believe they might be on some kind of medication which dulls the senses.

At least have your kid comb the locks, Batman.

This comic book cover really explodes the concept that Jimmy Olsen is Superman’s best friend. If they are friends, I fear Superman might have a codependency problem. Look at how Superman’s best friend is treating him. Right off the bat is Jimmy’s exposing Superman’s Identity with a big clunky camera. And check it out, he makes sure the flash is around 6 inches from poor Superman’s face. But that’s not enough for Superman’s pal, he’s got a full day of activities planned for his best friend. Next he turns Superman into a devil with the “helmet of hate.” Jimmy, why are you wearing the Helmet of Hate to begin with? Moving right along Jimmy puts the Helmet aside and launches an attack on Superman with some Giant Ants. Now, I enjoy practical jokes on my friends that give them a good scare. But come on, Jim. You’re using giant ants from the dude’s planet that blew up when he was baby. That’s a little much. And there’s more. After the all the fun with the ants, little Jimmy Olsen thinks it’d be fun to KO his best pal in a boxing match. And what does he do when he sees his pall laying on the floor unconscious, he lifts up his arm as if he has won something. Then I see how Jimmy Olsen has Superman helpless with the “Super-Brain of Jimmy Olsen.” I can only imagine what passive aggressive barbs young Mr. Olsen is capable of with his Super-Brain. I certainly hope Superman finds a new pal.

It looks like even Supergirl sees fit to stink up their friendship:

COME ON, Superman. Did your parents tell you that saying “I’ll never forgive you!” would get you out of a fight and hurt the feelings of bullies? I don’t think people who use their friends for personal gain with newspaper editors care about forgiveness.

Superman, let’s start taking care of ourselves and making friends with people we can trust to be good friends.

The above image of Action Comics #345 always makes me laugh. Clark Kent is clearly interrupted as he’s changing into Superman. The CBS Camera is rolling as Allen Funt opens the door. So Superman is in a lot of trouble. What does Superman say to smooth things over and protect the most important secret in the world? “Great Krypton! Allen Funt’s caught me switching into my Superman uniform!” Superman! What are you doing? Don’t say it aloud! Now the world has photographic proof AND a taped confession. You have fallen right into Funt’s clutches, Superman.

You could have just closed the door super fast, Superman, instead of blurting everything out.

Superman, if you were robbing a bank  and the cops came on the scene would you stop and loudly say, “Oh my goodness the police have caught me, Superman, robbing a bank?”

And that tie. Come on, pal.

“When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.” –Martin Luther King, Jr., “Beyond Vietnam”